Snape and the Mop
by Lady Draco
Summary: Snape and a Mop. Humor. Read.. don't ask question. Veri odd.


Snape and the Mop  
Lady Draco  
Ladydraconess@hotmail.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Snape, Dumbledore, Potter, Weasley or Malfoy.   
They belong to JK Rowling. Nor do I own Satine or Christian. They belong to   
Baz Lurhman. I do own, however, the Mop featured in this story.   
RATING: PG - one swear word.  
SYNOPSIS: Snape/Mop. Don't ask just read; humor.  
NOTE: I wrote this rather quickly and without much thought. Please don't flame   
me for this as I suffer from a wacky sense of humor. Plus I am drunk. **winks**  
  
  
  
  
'Potter! Fifty points from Gryffindor!'  
  
'Why, sir?'  
  
'Sixty for answering back!'   
  
'Bloody Snape', said Harry Potter as he walked away from the potions classroom.   
'Bastard!'   
  
Severus Snape watched as the Gryffindor trio walked from his classroom. He   
decided not to call Potter back for insulting him, figuring that sixty points from his house was harsh enough. He turned suddenly, glaring at two first years, who scampered away, fearing his wrath. He almost chuckled. He walked into his office, his black cloak billowing out behind him. He shut the door behind, casting a locking spell on the door.   
  
'Ahhh.' Snape said aloud. An hour of silence. An hour of no students. An hour   
of no professors. An hour of ... he felt himself grinning ... DANCING!  
  
Spinning around quickly, he cast a silencing charm on his office. 'Silencio!' He beamed as he made his way to the closet in the corner of the room. Pulling out a muggle compact disc player he bewitched it so it didn't have to run on electricity. Sliding across the smooth floor, he opened his trunk and pulled out a compact disc.   
  
Moulin Rouge.   
  
He had picked up the CD when in Muggle London last summer. His good friend,   
Yooulin Marcovick, who was a Half-blood, had introduced him to the sound of   
music. When he first heard the sweet sounds of Celine Dion, he had insisted that Yooulin take him shopping immediately. And so that is how Severus Snape   
discovered music.  
  
Snape grinned happily to himself as remembered the memory. He put the cd in   
the player and pressed play.  
  
//There was a boy...//  
  
Quickly Snape pressed skip a few times. Ahhh, Elephant Medley.  
  
//Love is a many, splendid thing,  
Love lifts us up where we belong  
All you need is love//  
  
And then Severus started to sing. He conjured a mop he owned to stand up   
by itself so he could dance and sing with it. The mop was Christian. Severus   
was Satine.   
  
//Please don't start that again//  
  
Severus ran into his wardrobe and quickly changed his outfit. He changed into   
a sequined dress that sparkled like diamonds.  
  
//All you need is love// the mop serenaded to Severus (Satine)  
  
//A girl has got to eat!//  
  
//All you need is love//  
  
//Or she'll end up the street//   
  
//All you need is looooveeee//  
  
//Love is just a game//   
  
At this line, the mop jumped up onto the table and moved powerfully towards   
Severus.  
  
//I was made for loving you baby  
You were made for loving me//  
  
Severus looked at the mop seductively. He motioned it towards him, a sly   
smile playing on his lips.  
  
//The only way of loving me baby  
Is to pay a lovely fee!//  
  
//Just one night  
Give me just one night// the mop begged.  
  
//There's no way  
Coz you can't pay// Severus/Satine replied, shaking his/her hips.  
  
//In the name of love  
One night in the name of love//  
  
//You crazy fool  
I won't give into you//   
  
//Don't leave me this way// The mop now was perched on top of the cupboard,   
staring (somewhat) solemnly at the wall.  
//I can't survive  
Without your sweet love  
Don't leave me this way//  
  
Walking up behind the mop, Severus touched its frame.  
  
//You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs//  
  
Turning slightly, the mop leaned forward.  
  
//I look around and I see it isn't so...  
No//  
  
//Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs//  
  
//Well, what's wrong with that...  
I'd like to know  
Coz here I got again//  
  
The mop leapt up and raced towards Severus, who backed away seductively.  
  
//Love lifts us up where we belong  
Where eagles fly  
On a mountain high//  
  
Severus walked forwards, shaking his hips, pulling the feather boa tightly   
around his body.  
  
//Love makes us act like we are fools  
Throw our lives away for one happy day//  
  
Severus sang loudly and didn't hear the music being turned off. Then he   
realised that the mop wasn't singing to him and so he spun around to see   
Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy and Professor Dumbledore all   
staring at him from his fireplace. He blushed deeply, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Soon his embarrassment turned to anger and he sneered at Dumbledore.  
  
'What's with the intrusion, Headmaster?' he said snidely.   
  
Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling, as were Harry, Draco and Ron's. He cleared   
his throat, masking a laugh.  
  
'Severus, we were just worried about you... We were wondering if you were to   
join us for lunch.'  
  
Ignoring Dumbledore's question, he stared pointedly at the trio of boys.  
  
'What are they doing there?'  
  
'They were fighting and Minerva brought them to me.'  
  
'Aren't they fortunate? Seeing their potions master dancing to Moulin Rouge...'   
he sneered.  
  
'Just get changed and come to the hall.'  
  
And they disappeared from his fireplace. But he could still hear them laughing, an echo down the chimney.  
  
'Bollocks!' he swore, pulling on his cloak. He headed out of his office, forgetting altogether that he was still wearing his sequined dress underneath. Also unaware that his cloak was caught on a button that fastened it together, exposing his dress to the entire of Hogwarts.  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
NOTE: I know it was shit. I was trying to do something funny but I realise it sucks.   
Don't stress. I'm steering clear from humor stories from now on. 


End file.
